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Lola, 29, started dating again after a tough breakup with a partner she’d first known as a friend.

Looking to expand her horizons, she started dating people she’d never met before.

I also learned the importance of adjusting your location preference. Some guys got it right away and appreciated the honesty (I try to do the same).

Some I really wanted to be friends with (though that never really panned out).

The date ended with a walk, something we would do on many more dates that summer.

We live in different states now, and again, not trying to cross state borders, but I think it’s fair to say we have a mutual respect and appreciation for being in the right place at the right time to get to know each other when we did. Everybody has some good qualities, and everyone has some defects of character, including me.

No matter what, moving on after a relationship ends is hard.

So there wasn’t the rapid ping-pong game I had previously judged conversations on, but there was a really nice back-and-forth.

My ex was a friend first, and coming out the other end of those three months, I suddenly saw the value of expanding my dating pool beyond my known-knowns. It’s hard to imagine having a good date when you think you might still be healing, but I ended up being pleasantly surprised.

I learned a lot about myself in the online dating process, like how I was more interested in meeting guys who commented on the books and music I listed in my profile, and not so much those who sent heart-eye emojis in response to a photo of me standing with an alpaca. A., but it doesn’t really work in NYC, at least not for me. I’m still very much learning the art of both sending and receiving the gentle breakup text (usually after date two).

Some I eventually blocked/stopped responding to altogether. ” when I block people’s accounts/numbers/etc., but my desire to protect myself from those who do not respect my boundaries and make space for those who do is much greater.

It wasn’t until I made the first move that I actually met someone who I really connected with.

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