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My roommate Mike dates the same three people I am dating, including Alicorn who also lives with us (this is not normal for polyamory, and all three people started dating Mike and then met me and started dating me too, so I guess the moral of the story is to think very hard before accepting me as a roommate).I cannot think of a single problem I have ever had with Mike, which I guess is also sort of incredulous-stare and which exceeds my normal standards for roommates let alone roommates-whose-three-girlfriends-I-am-dating.I have lived with them for seven months now and never once have I seen them get in a fight (I know there is way more to being a couple than not fighting but I’m trying to think of objective numerical evidence I can report here beyond “if you know them, you know what I mean”).They both seem to love and appreciate each other just as much if not more as they did when I first met them.
You’re like “Yeah, there are some Irish people around. It’s not right for Irish and non-Irish people to mix! ” And not only do you not think that Irish people are a Big Deal, but you’re about 99% sure that after the Know-Nothing spends a couple of months in 21st-century America he’s going forget about the whole Irish thing too.
Alicorn makes a big deal about poly-hacking and having to valiantly overcome some sort of strong natural tendency to switch from monogamous to polyamorous relationships. It just seemed like once the entire culture was no longer uniting to tell me polyamory was something bizarre and different and special, it wasn’t. I didn’t even remember how weird it seemed to everyone else until the last few weeks. Then someone commented on a blog post of mine with something about polyamory, spelling it poly-“amor”-y the whole time, as if there couldn’t possibly be any real love involved. But the singular of anecdote is “enough data to disprove a universal negative claim”.
And then it started to look like a slightly better idea to take part in it than to not take part in it. So I will just say that Alicorn and Mike are probably the best couple I have ever seen.
But I get upset with/jealous of public displays of affection in general, even among people I don’t know, and it’s very hard for me to disentangle this feeling from jealousy and it could have just been my imagination.
As opposed to this tiny-to-nonexistant role of jealousy, I think pretty much everyone here has experienced compersion.