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I can't tell you how many times I've heard a man say, "Well, we're not married so it doesn't really matter," or "I just married her because she wouldn't shut up about it," or "I only proposed because everyone expected me to." Their lack of enthusiasm and passion toward their partner is as depressing as it is discouraging. Because it removes much of a man's motivation to make the formal commitment of marriage within a reasonable time, living together often causes women to feel frustrated and get stuck in a cycle of hope and disappointment.

Christmas comes and she hopes for a ring, only to be disappointed.

-- which, in turn, can lead to a reluctant and passionless groom or, just as bad, a woman who tries to fool herself into believing that "marriage is just a piece of paper" so that she doesn't have to break up with a man who calls her bluff. Couples who live together are less likely to get married. Well, for the reasons I've mentioned that remove the motivation to marry.

Co-habiting couples also tend to have a more lax attitude toward commitment and don't work as hard to stay together.

Women typically see it as an almost inevitable step toward marriage, while men see it as a no-obligation "test drive." Couples who initiate a live-in relationship under the fog of such contradictory assumptions are already in trouble. You've heard the old expression, "Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?

The legal and public commitment of marriage motivates couples to work through conflict, strengthen the relationship and stay together. Living together is not a reliable way to predict long-term compatibility or marital success.I see a lot of single women in my office, women who -- despite being smart, successful and attractive -- complain that the dating world isn't being kind to them. If her answer is the latter, we take a critical look at her dating habits. Are her choices leading her to the life that she wants for herself?To be sure, both single women and men must navigate a dating world that often seems long on narcissists and nutjobs, and short on nice and normal. They get stuck in dead-end relationships Of course, men have their complaints too, and these will be addressed in an upcoming blog. Over the past decade or so, I've found there are a few common pitfalls that women who want to get married inadvertently fall into, and which decrease their chances of getting married while they're still young enough to walk down the aisle without stopping for breath.When it comes to women, their complaints are threefold: 1. When I first sit down with a single woman who is looking for dating advice, I ask her a simple question: "What are you looking for? One of these pitfalls is living together before marriage.I don't come at this issue from a moral or religious standpoint.

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