Dating site drawing troll
This can be intimidating, especially when you’re not the most secure person to begin with.
A major reason why I put up with being treated so badly in my relationships was because I was conflict averse; I didn’t have a strong foundation to work from and dreaded any fight for fear of causing more drama which would inevitably be my fault and lead to further fights down the line.
No further.” The lack of belief in yourself feeds into an insidious self-perpetuating cycle.
It’s hard to stand up for yourself when you believe that you have very little of value to offer in the first place – something that is reinforced by the way that people walk over you and take advantage of you.
I wouldn’t take responsibility for what was ultimately my screw up and fix it – either through trying to work things out with my girlfriend or by dumping her and walking away – and so I instead tried to shirk the blame and refused to acknowledge that anything was wrong.
This is going to be a tricky section because what I’m about to say is going to sound an awful lot like victim-blaming, which is not my intent. People who have poor boundaries and low self-esteem are typically easy prey for abusers.
The other frequent cause for poor boundaries is an unwillingness to take responsibility for one’s own actions.
Taking a stand – saying that you will not tolerate or put up with certain attitudes or behavior – means being willing to accept the responsibility of that choice and thus shouldering the consequences.
How many times have you had someone – a friend, a lover, even family – pull a guilt-trip on you?
He was consistently testing her boundaries, trying to find some way to get her to sacrifice her values in an attempt to please him; her way that people will take advantage of poor boundaries.
Anyone who remembers high-school will likely recall that one toxic friend who would steam-roll over others in order to get his or her way; anyone who resisted was subject to inordinate amounts of social pressure – trying to utilize the social contract to push others into doing what he or she wanted.
The friend who would get pissed at you for disagreeing with them in public.
The passive-aggressive friend who would make commitments and conveniently “forget” them when it suited her.
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It’s important to note: this isn’t exclusively a male or female problem.