Deception in young adult dating
Too often, when we get close to someone, our innermost defenses come into play, and we unintentionally alter ourselves to “make it work.” The baggage we carry from our past weighs heavily on us, and we have trouble breaking free from old destructive habits and harmful modes of relating that distort both ourselves and our partners.
When this happens, jealousy, possessiveness insecurity and distrust can cause us to warp and misuse our relationships.
The betrayal of trust brought about by a partner’s secret involvement with another person leads to a shocking and painful realization on the part of the deceived party that the person he or she has been involved with has a secret life and that there is an aspect of his or her partner that he or she had no knowledge of.
Damaging another person’s sense of reality is immoral.
Psychologist and author Shirley Glass wrote in her book Relationships are contingent on honesty and openness.
They are built and maintained through our faith that we can believe what we are being told.
If our partners trust us enough to admit that they find someone else attractive, we might just be able to trust them enough to believe them when they say they won’t act on this attraction.
The more open we are with each other, the cleaner and more resilient our relationships become.
An example of this might be a woman whose boyfriend gets so jealous that he forbids her to be alone with other men.
While keeping a relatively insignificant secret from someone you’re close to diminishes that person’s reality, going to great lengths to deceive someone can actually make them question their sanity.
It’s true that feeling an attraction or falling in love may be experiences that are out of our control, but we do have control over whether we act on those emotions, and being honest about taking those actions is key to having a relationship based on real substance.
When we restrict our partners, we can compromise their sense of vitality, and we inadvertently set the stage for deception.
This is not to say that people shouldn’t expect their partners to be faithful, but rather that couples should try to maintain an open and honest dialogue about their feelings and their relationship.